Kitsune WTF
by AWOLShinigami
Summary: Naruto had come back to the village after three years With a Preganant Kyuubi inside if him but Kakashi did sumthin stupid and all hell broke loose. My first Crackfic
1. Chapter 1

This starts at the beginning of the Naruto shippuden

It was about 3 PM when a boy about the age of sixteen and a man who was about who knows how old walked through the leaf village gates, the boy had long vermilion red hair with blonde ends that went to his waist, he wore a black jacket similar to the fourth hokage's sharing the same red flames. He was well built and muscular . He had ocean blue eyes with vertical slits, three whisker shaped birth marks on each side of his face, to add to that he had fangs similar to that of the Inuzuka clan, only his were a little bit longer and thinner. He wore his leaf village headband around his waist letting his hair fly wherever the wind blew it. This boy was Naruto Uzumaki. The man next to him was Jaraiya of the legendary Sanin. As the two walked into the heart of Kanoha which is a busy street full of gossiping girls, merchants, stores and citizens, people started to stare at the unfamiliar ninja walking with the toad sage, Naruto then move his hair out of his face. Upon seeing this, the girls who usually would be gossiping were all over him.

"Hey what are you doing? stop that, my hair's attached o my head you know" said Naruto.

A certain pink haired kunoichi recognized his voice, and span around to see a hot guy with beautiful red hair being attacked by a bunch of girls.

_'Hm, i guess I'm just hearing things', _thought Sakura_._

Then she saw a man with white hair looking at the scene while writing something into a notebook, he looked like he was enjoying this. She then looked at the crimson haired boy and saw a demonic smile on his face, then she thought she realized what was going on.

_'Those perverts',_ thought Sakura as she marched to the red haired boy.

Naruto noticed a presence behind him come closer and closer until Sakura swung at him only to punch air.

"He vanished", said Sakura to herself

"No I'm right behind you Sakura chan"

'Hey who are you and how do you know my name?" Asked Sakura.

"Its me Sakura chan, i guess no one recognizes me with my hair like this"

Naruto moved the hair from his face. Sakura gasps from the surprise, "Naruto is that really you?"

"yep the one and only" replied Naruto.

Sakura then punched him dead on the right side of his head, "that's for being a pervert"

Naruto was on the ground holding his head, he then started shake in pain

"Come on Naruto I've hit you harder, stop faking"

"He's not faking" said a man's voice, "you hit him in one of the most sensitive places on his body, look at him now"

She then brought her attention to Naruto who was surrounded by a pool of blood,

"Jeez" said the old man, "I've never seen Naruto bleed this much. You must have hit him kinda hard. By the way I am Jaraiya, Naruto's sensei"

"Nice to meet you Jaraiya sensei, I am Sakura Haruno".

"Damn Sakura that hurt", said Naruto who was now standing upright.

"You're so soft Naruto, a little punch to the head and you start bleeding what's up with that"

"Sakura, about that I gotta show you something but promise me you won't tell anyone what you saw unless I say otherwise."

"Alright Naruto, what is it that's so important?" asked

"What are you, crazy? I can't do that here, otherwise I wouldn't have made you promise. Let's go somewhere private, how about training field seven?" asked Naruto.

"Alright Naruto" said Sakura in a rather uninterested tone.

* * *

><p>Training field 7<p>

"Okay just hold on a second" said Naruto as he released his henge to show that had a long red tail with a white tip, longer fangs, claws, and two red ears on atop his head. The ear on the right was swollen from Sakura's assault.

"Oh kami you're so cute Naruto, that long fluffy tail and those fuzzy ears. Can I touch them?" asked Sakura.

"Only if you fix the ear you damaged" within seconds his ear was healed "

"So now you know Sakura, please don't harm my ears again i need them" said Naruto.

Sakura ignores him as she fondled Naruto's ears, Naruto then began to blush and then he started changing, he got smaller and smaller until turned he into a little red fox. He then rubbed his body on Sakura's leg as he began to purr. She then picked him up into her arms and began to scratch his ears once again this made Naruto purr even more.

"So I see you figured out his weakness" said Jaraiya.

"And what would that be?" asked Sakura.

"Getting his ears scratched by a pretty girl" replied Jaraiya

"Naruto thinks I'm pretty, asked Sakura with a small blush on her face. "how do I know you're not lying.

"Yip Yip Yip" said Fox Naruto

"What are you saying" Naruto asked Sakura.

"He said he will only transform if the he truly believes the girl doing it is truly pretty, other than that it still feels pretty good from anyone" replied Jaraiya.

All of a sudden Kakashi appears "hello master Jaraiya, was your training with Naruto a success".

"Yeah, he's about as strong as an elite Jonin" said Jarayia with a proud and triumphant look on his face..

"Really, where is he?"

"look behind you Kakashi sensei" said Sakura

he turned around to see Sakura holding a red fox in her arms, she was scratching its ears.

"Sakura where is he?" asked Kakashi

"You're looking at him" said Sakura

Naruto then jumped out of Sakura's arms and onto Kakashi's face as he lost his balance and fell to the ground. Naruto then proceeded in licking his face. Kakashi picked up the fox and gently set it down onto the ground.

"Are you telling me that this fox is Naruto?" asked Kakashi

Jaraiya and Sakura both nodded.

"In that case I can do this", Kakashi grabbed Naruto by the tail

Kakashi don't pick him up that way, said Jaraiya as Kakashi lifted Naruto.

Naruto became silent.

"Sakura put these ear plugs in or you may go deaf"Said Jaraiya

"yiiiiiiipppp! " screamed Naruto.

Tears came from Naruto's eyes as he tried to grab the base of his tail with his paws to relieve the pain, but it didn't work. Kakashi was now swinging him around like a pendulum. Naruto screamed louder and louder until it was more like he was shrieking. The whole village has heard it, but no one but the Inuzuka knew what Naruto was saying (help me, there's a madman trying to rip my tail off, please I'm begging you). All of a sudden Hana Inuzuka had come out of the bushes to see Kakashi dangling a red fox kit by it's tail. "Kakashi, don't you know animal cruelty is against the law"? asked Hana

"But this isn't an animal its Naruto, just in fox form" replied Kakashi.

"Well he called me saying that a madman was trying to rip his tail off so I'm gonna have to ask you to stop, you don't wanna paralyze him to you?" asked Hana.

"No", said Kakashi but right before he put him down they heard a crack.

Naruto went quiet, you could see the pain in his eyes so much pain that the only thing he uttered was a small yip, all feeling in his tail was gone. The tears were endless as Naruto's transformed body began to twitch until his body went limp.

"Oh shit" said Kakashi.


	2. Four Little Bundles of Hell

THE NARUTO AND NARUTO SHIPPUDEN MANGA/ANIME ARE OWNED BY SHUEISHA INC.®, VIZ MEDIA ®, AND MIZASHI KISHIMOTO. PLEASE SUPPORT THE OFFICIAL RELEASE

Chapter 2: Four Little Bundles of hell

_Tears came from Naruto's eyes as he tried to grab the base of his tail with his paws to relieve the pain, but it didn't work. Kakashi was now swinging him around like a pendulum. Naruto screamed louder and louder until it was more like he was shrieking. The whole village has heard it, but no one but the Inuzuka knew what Naruto was saying (help me, there's a madman trying to rip my tail off, please I'm begging you). All of a sudden Hana Inuzuka had come out of the bushes to see Kakashi dangling a red fox kit by it's tail. "Kakashi, don't you know animal cruelty is against the law"? asked Hana_

_"But this isn't an animal its Naruto, just in fox form" replied Kakashi._

_"Well he called me saying that a madman was trying to rip his tail off so I'm gonna have to ask you to stop, you don't wanna paralyze him to you?" asked Hana._

_"No", said Kakashi but right before he put him down they heard a crack._

_Naruto went quiet, you could see the pain in his eyes so much pain that the only thing he uttered was a small yip, all feeling in his tail was gone. The tears were endless as Naruto's transformed body began to twitch until his body went limp._

_"Oh shit" said Kakashi._

* * *

><p>Later at the Inuzuka Veterinarian center<p>

We find Naruto and Friends with the exception of Kakashi who is in the hospital recovering from Naruto's godmother, Tsunade's wrath.

Outside the operating room Jaraiya and Sakura are restraining a distraught with worry Hinata Hyuuga from busting through the door.

"Let go of me you bastards! Let me see Naru-kun now!" said Hinata with her byakugan flaring and chakra leaking out of her body.

The light obove the operating room had turned off and the door was opening, Hana walked out with the biggest Kool-Aid smile in existence holding four bundles of blankets.

"Naruto is going to be just fine, he just needs a little rest, being a hoist to a pregnant bijuu seems to take a lot out of him, along with the fact that he has to learn how to walk again thanks to his idiot god-brother" said Hana.

"Did you say pregnant Bijuu" asked Jaraiya.

"Yeah, it seems that when a Jinchuriki becomes a hanyou the bijuu and their host begin to mix in certain ways, I did a blood test on Naruto and it seems that he has become half bijuu half human, which is why Kyuubi isn't in the seal anymore" said Hana.

"The seal has broken?" said Jaraiya as got up from his chair and bursts into the room to find Naruto still in his fox form sleeping while being cuddled a red haired naked girl about the same age as Naruto with 9 tails.

"Hello Jaraiya-sama my name is Haruka" said the girl.

"I don't care who you are get away from him" said Jaraiya.

"Why?" asked Haruka.

"Because that boy is my godson and I wont let you hurt him with your lies and deception you beast!" said Jaraiya in a rather angry tone.

"Jaraiya-sama there is no need to be so disrespectful, especially since your godson is my husband and father to my children" said Haruka in a more serious tone.

"What?" said Jaraiya.

"Didn't Hana-chan tell you about Yuuki, Marin, Haku, and Aki? She walked out with them a few minutes ago to clean them up" said Haruka when Naruto started to stir and his opened to see Haruka holding him while Jaraiya was standing there in shock.

"Hey sleepyhead, you'd better change back, you don't wanna be stuck in that form until the next full moon do you?" said Haruka as she set him down on the ground.

Naruto changed back into his Hanyou form, "Haruka-chan why are you out now? It's a month too early" said Naruto.

"Well you can think your father's idiot of a student for that" replied Haruka.

Naruto turned around to see Jaraiya still frozen in shock, "Hey Ero Senin, are you in there?" asked Naruto.

"N-N-Naruto has k-k-k-k-kids?" asked Jaraiya "Tsunade isn't going to be happy about this.

"Who are these little cuties"" and then there was silence "WHAT!" screamed a voice outside of the room.

"Oh man oh man oh man I'm gonna die" said Jaraiya right before a loud boom.

Tsunade and Hinata busted through the door and went straight into action.

"Jaraiya you idiot you let that boy lose his innocence to some bimbo!" screamed Tsunade as she began to punch the snot out of the toad sage. Hinata on the other hand was at Naruto's neck, "Who is she, who's the slut who stole you away from me?, I'll kill her and feed her remains to the hounds" screamed Hinata as he strangled Naruto.

Everyone else out side the room which now composed of Sakura, Hana, Neji, Tenten, Lee, Gai, Kurenai, Anko, Kiba, Ino, Shikamaru, Choji, Shizune, and Asuma sweat dropped at this sight.

"WILL YOU BOTH JUST STOP IT AND SHUT THE FUCK UP" screamed Naruto, who managed to break free from Hinata.

"I can explain everything" said Naruto, "but first I need four things".

"First, I want my kids to be put into the academy when they turn 5, secondly I need someone to take care of them while Haruka and I are not here, thirdly I want all the males in this room to cover their eyes now" Naruto waited until they did so to continue " and fourth, I need women's clothing" said Naruto as the girls in the group began to come closer to him looking like they wanted kill him.

"Hey, why are you all looking at me that way?" asked Naruto.

"Why do you need women's clothing, you sick bastard?" asked Ino.

"Oh I see what you're getting at, but no its not for me its for Haruka, as you can see She is indecent" said Naruto as everyone looked to where he was pointing to.

"Well that explains everything" said Anko.


	3. Chapter 3

The Kitsune with Leporiphobia

Naruto came to training field 7 where the rookies were waiting, he looked rather exhausted.

"Damn Naruto what happened to you?" asked Kiba.

"Damn...kids...don't...shut...up...no...sleep...four...days" said Naruto as he fell to the ground.

"Poor guy, he just collapsed from exhaustion" said Tenten while everyone else laughed at Naruto's discomfort.

"Hey everyone what's so funny?" asked Haruka "Oh nevermind, Naru-chan get your lazy ass up, the kids haven't stopped crying".

"Where are they?" asked Naruto.

"Left them at the house" said Haruka.

"Let me get this straight" said Naruto as he got to from the ground "You left 4 crying defenseless newborn children alone in a house that people try to set aflame on a daily basis?".

"Yep" replied Haruka.

"ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY, WHY IN SAM HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT, I SWEAR YOU ARE INCREDIBLY BONKERS SOMETIMES" yelled Naruto right before he dashed to the his home.

Haruka began to laugh, "That idiot actually thought I left the kids at the house".

"Haruka-san are you sure you should mess with him that way?" asks Sakura.

"Yes, why do you ask?" said Haruka.

"Well that last time someone messed with him that way his head was in the ground" said Sakura.

"Aaaaaaaagh"

"The fuck was that?" asked Kiba.

"That was Naruto, he found the little surprise I left him" said Haruka.

Naruto appeared behind Haruka and pulled out a daito and raised it above his head in a reverse grip, his were white, no iris or pupil just white with dark circles, he brought the Daito down towards Haruka's head before he was held back by rock lee and neji.

"**Let me go, no one fucks with me like that and gets away with It, four damn**** days of no sleep and you pull some crap like that!**" screams Naruto swinging his sword around like a madman.

"Naruto what happened?" asked Sakura.

"I go home and see the kids crying in their crib, I go pick them up and they poof up in smoke to turn into bunnies, white bunnies, do you know how scary bunnies are? those giant feet, those teeth, and little beady eyes, they're menacing" said Naruto.

Everyone looks at Naruto like he's crazy.

"Someone who's crazy enough to fight Orochimaru, is afraid of rabbits, what kind of shit is that?" asks Choji.

"There's nothing wrong with having leporiphobia" said Haruka, "especially since its to fun to tease him about it" said Haruka.

"What's your problem?" asked Hinata who was a little pissed at how Haruka treats Naruto.

"Whatever do you mean Hinata-san" asked Haruka.

"Why do you treat Naruto-kun that way?" asked Hinata

"Like what?" replied haruka

"Like he's your toy and the way he feels doesn't mean anything to you" said Hinata

"Hinata- chan I think you should stop "whispered Naruto.

"Why should I? She's treating you like shit and you don't deserve it, I've seen how the village treated you because of her, she's the reason you've have all of these problems in the first place and she treats you this way, what kind of wife is she?" retorted Hinata.

Haruka disappear in a flash of red flames

"Why Hinata, why did you bring up something you haven't the slightest clue about I know you've been stalking me all these years but you know nothing about me, Haruka knows me best. Now if you'll excuse me I need to find her before she does something she'll regret" said Naruto.

"Hinata I don't know if you know this but Haruka and Naruto are Kitsune iand even demonic kitsune havea bit of a mischievous streak, so i guess newlywed kitsunes don't do what humans do" Sakura explained.

Meanwhile With Naruto jumping from the rooftops

'Where the hell is she?' thought Naruto.

All of a sudden he saw a large amount of trees fall down over in the forest.

'Either Ebisu was found peeping on Yugao or that's Haruka' he thought.

Naruto arrived at the deforestation site to see his wife throwing a tantrum.

"That little bitch, what the fuck does she know about anything, I don't give a damn if she is Naru-chan's friend, she says something like that again and I'll slice her damned Larynx out" said Haruna as she cut down another tree with her claws.

'I think I should just stand here, she doesn't look like she'll cool down any time soon' thought Naruto.

Meanwhile With Kakashi, Kurenai, and Asuma at Training feild 7

"Hahahaha! are you serious rabbits?" asked Kakashi as he and Asuma rolled on the ground laughing.

"I think it's kinda cute that he's afriad of rabbits" said Kurenai.

"Cute? The kid can stand up to giant snakes, Tsunade-sama when she's pissed, Orochimaru, the Shukakku, Kyuubi and Itachi Uchiha, but a little white rabbit freaks him out? What Kind of shit is that?" asked Asuma.

"That's the same thing I asked" replied Choji.

"Troublesome" said Shikamaru.

"I still haven't gotten the Chance to apologize to him though" said Kakashi.

"You know Kakashi-sensei, i think that your issue with Naruto isn't as important right now" interrupted Sakura.

"Well what's so important?" asked Kakashi.

"The fact that Hinata is still alive right now" replied Ino.

"What happned" asked Kurenai with a worried look on her face.

Hinata explained to Kurenai what had happened between her and Haruka, quite frankly Kurenai was surprised at her normally timid student's reaction.

"So Naruto is trying to keep Haruka from throwing a tantrum eh?" asked Asuma.

"Angry women are very troublesome, but demonic angry women... Naruto must have the patience of a saint" said Shikamaru.

Naruto appeared and looked right at Hinata.

"Naru-kun is Haruka alright?" asked Hinata.

"No she isn't. You really hurt her Hinata, she won't even talk to me" said Naruto.

"I'm really sorry Naru-kun" said Hinata.

"You shouldn't be apologizing to me, give her a day or two and then try to speak with her" said Naruto.

"Naruto, is it true that you are afraid of rabbits?" asked Kurenai.

"Yes, they are the bane of my existence ever since that incident last year" said Naruto.

Flashback

Naruto and Jiraiya had come to Kusagakure when he had come across an injured rabbit, when he got close to it to try and help it, it began to scream, a massive mob of rabbits came and attacked Naruto, leaving him emotionally scarred for life.

Flashback over

Now everyone was on the ground except for Kurenai who was now hugging Naruto to stop him from trembling. Little did he know that a certain Kitsune was watching.

Alright so i think I'm gonna rename this fic but i don't Know what to name it I've lost my muse so I'm just gonna keep going with whatever pops onto my head.


	4. AN: About Rachel

Rachel, the co-writer for some of my other stories, know that she's made a full recovery but may not be writing fanfics anymore, if that is the case than many of my fanfic will be removed, such as Trust, An Archangel's Legacy, Kitsune WTF, Twisted and Chi no Hime. I've talked with her and convinced her to keep writing if he gets at least 50 users to vote in a poll that she should keep writing.


	5. PLEASE READ!

Hey guys

Unfortunately I will not be uploading new chapters for a while, I learned just yesterday someone very important to me passed away yesterday so AWOL will be taking over.

Thank you for those who understand and others can go somewhere


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